The Things You'll See at Venice Beach

If you're like me, you've heard a million and a half stories about the strange things you'll see at Venice Beach. Well, all I can say is, the weren't telling any lies. I saw some pretty unusual characters in Vegas but these guys take the cake. At one point, I saw a kid, probably in his early 20's, walking around in only a pair of tighty-whities and tennis shoes and the even more confusing was that he was carrying around a spare pair in his hand. (I didn't ask.) Like I said, there are some strange cats there.

This is also the place where I realized that there is absolutely NO reason that come next February when I'm back from South America why I can't find a job. I remember having a conversation with my dad where I said that I wanted to be unemployed on my birthday that's coming up in September. His next question was "Does that mean you're unemployable?" Oh, I'm definitely employable alright, although surprisingly enough I think there are some people who might not hire me because of the way I look.


Jeremy and I were having that discussion over lunch, as I was saying that I had an irresponsible haircut and that if someone came in for an interview looking like me then I'd have a hard time hiring them. (Okay, so maybe I am a bit of a traditionalist after all.) But, in this case, I saw some places that wouldn't hire me because I don't look wild enough. I don't have any piercings (besides my ears in the normal place), I don't have any tattoos, and, well, I don't know what else people do to their bodies beyond that, and I probably don't want to think about it anyway. But Regina, Nicolette, and I looked completely out of place on the boardwalk that day.

My friends Jason and Shellee from back home were texting me (okay, so maybe I am just a little hip after all) and told me not to forget to take a gander at the bodybuilders. Holy heck! Even if you have no interest in going to Venice Beach, you've got to go just to see that. It's quite entertaining. My favorite is a guy who looked like a cross between Michael Jackson and Fabio. I also was amazed to see grown men actually painting on a tan. Yep! Complete with paint brush! They were having a contest that day and the three of us (along with a crowd of ooglers) got to witness first hand how these guys prep for the stage. Did I happen to mention it was entertaining? And the price of admission...free! An entertainment value as Robert would say!

Of course, there are the typical scenes. People playing pick up games of basketball, people rollerblading and riding bikes up and down the beach, sailboats tacking back and forth just off the beach, and the street performers and vendors. Now those are an interesting group of people. I saw everything from break dancers, to mimes, to gospel singers, to Bohemian type gypsy dancers who looked like they had never enjoyed a warm bath, to people who would do psalm readings. That's right! You can even find someone who will pray with you on the boardwalk. I listened to an old man who could whistle like different little animals, looked at paintings that grown people were displaying that looked like the artist was actually a one year old (I did see a few paintings that actually looked pretty nice just to give someone some credit). You can get your name on a piece of paper drawn in wild letters, see a two headed snake and a bald rat at the freak show, get your portrait done in fifteen minutes for fifteen dollars, and buy any kind of designer sunglasses under the sun for only $5. Wow! Isn't America great?!?

I didn't see any tap dancers though and from what I can tell, it looks like if you get up early enough in the morning you can chalk off your own portion of property and do your own thing. I don't even think I'd have to be that good because I think some people will pay to get you to quit doing whatever it is you're doing, especially if you're loud enough. It might be possible to get the sewing machine guy I saw to stitch me up a cute little outfit, I can get all wild looking with some temporary henna tattoos, and with those cool $5 shades, it won't be long and I should be back in the black. Regina did bring up the possibility of needing a permit but I'm thinking there are enough people there to keep the code enforcement officer busy long enough that if I keep moving around, I should be alright. So, should worse come to worst, and I really do mean WORST. Then you can find me doing a little tap dance routine (similar to those Fred Astaire used to do in the movies) on the boardwalk at Venice Beach. Don't forget your spare change!